In Judaism, the home is a mikdash me’at—a miniature sanctuary—and its sanctity is upheld by the value of Shalom Bayit, or peace in the home. At the heart of this lies the belief that a home should be a place of respect, kindness, and mutual care. This is rooted in the understanding that every person is created B’tzelem Elokim—in the image of God—imbuing each individual with dignity and worth.

But what happens when peace feels out of reach? Many people experience communication challenges in their relationships. Sometimes it’s not the words themselves, but the tone, attitude, or manner of speech that causes hurt. If one person consistently feels belittled or distressed by how they are spoken to, it’s important to consider what might be happening.

Take Rachel*, for example. She found herself dreading conversations with her husband, David*. While his words seemed harmless to outsiders, his tone was sharp, and dismissive, and frequently left her feeling small. “It wasn’t what he said—it was how he said it,” Rachel recalls. Over time, these interactions eroded her confidence and made her question whether she was overreacting.

At Jewish Women’s Aid, we support women like Rachel who feel unsettled in their relationships. While abuse is often misunderstood as purely physical, emotional and verbal harm can also have profound effects. Patterns of controlling speech or constant criticism are not minor issues; they undermine a person’s sense of self and safety.

Our recent Myth vs. Reality themed JWA awareness-raising Shabbat addressed misconceptions about domestic abuse, including the idea that it only happens in specific communities or takes certain forms. The reality is that abuse can affect anyone, and it manifests in many ways. Words and tone can harm as much as actions.

Rachel reached out to Jewish Women’s Aid and found the support she needed to name her experience and discover a way forward. “I didn’t think I could call it abuse, but speaking to someone who listened without judgment helped me understand that I deserved to be treated with kindness and respect.”

Every woman deserves a home where she feels valued and safe. If you find yourself frequently upset by the way your partner communicates with you, it’s important to take those feelings seriously. Whether it’s through a trusted confidant, therapist, or professional support, seeking help is a vital step toward understanding your experience and addressing it.

Jewish Women’s Aid is here to provide that support. As the UK’s only charity dedicated to Jewish women experiencing domestic abuse and sexual violence, we offer confidential, non-judgmental and culturally sensitive help. Through education, awareness, and support services, we empower women to build homes that reflect Jewish values of dignity and peace.

If you or someone you know is affected by domestic abuse—whether physical, emotional, or verbal—you can contact Jewish Women’s Aid on 0808 801 0500. Women in our community are not alone, and our free, confidential advice is just a phone call away.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

By Sam Clifford, Chief Executive, published in The Jewish Weekly.